How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
