Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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