I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
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