Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
