Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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