I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
