Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
