Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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