I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
dude. I can hear the air.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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