I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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