Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
