So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize