I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
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He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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