I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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