the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
