He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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