I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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