The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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