New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize