Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
