He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
