It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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