why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
