all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wear drunk well.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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