Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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