Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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