well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
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He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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