u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
