So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
