Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
