I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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