it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
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