when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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