oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I want to fling myself into the sun
All I want is dick and wine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
