i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
