she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
