We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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