It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
