i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Non-Jews are for practice
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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