Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
