Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
