So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
