the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
