My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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