i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
