I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
