I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
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Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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