I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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