What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
