Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
