It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
