Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
