I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
