I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
