I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
