I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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