garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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