Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
