8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
