You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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