just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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